Hey girl hey! With my blog rebranding, I promised more posts about life versus makeup. I love makeup and beauty, but I wanted to bring topics in that I am passionate about. Grief is one of those topics. If you didn’t already know, I lost my dad at age 12. I remember the emotions and feelings connected with losing a parent. I also remember the comments that people would say. Some were not meant to be malicious, some were. Overall, there is a general stigma that death is too awkward to talk about. Today, I’m writing about the 5 things you should never say to a grieving person.
1. “They’re in a better place.”
When people say this to me, I know their heart is in a good place. I know that they mean well, and genuinely want me to envision my loved ones in heaven. However, this is the exact opposite of what I want to imagine. I want to imagine my loved ones with me, here, celebrating major life events. Heaven, I’m sure, is such a beautiful place. I know in my heart of hearts that my loved ones truly are in a better place, but no one wants to hear the reminder that they’re not here. Instead, tell them that you’re sorry they’re suffering. Validate that they are allowed to feel.
2. “It gets better with time.”
This may be true for some people, but for me, it could not be further from the truth. The main thing that I try to educate people on when it comes to grief is that everyone’s grieving period is different. It’s an ongoing process, and every day is different. Some days are great, but there are days where putting one foot in front of the other is a struggle. Time is irrelevant when it comes to grieving. It gets more manageable, but it never truly gets better. Instead, allow them to come to you when they need someone to talk to.
3. “You’re lucky you have other family members.”
The fact that I have amazing family to back me up is great. However, it doesn’t mean that I can’t miss my loved ones who are no longer here. The loss of a close family member or friend cannot be cancelled out by having amazing family and friends. It’s a loss that you will feel forever, no matter how many people you have in your court. My family and friends have been so amazing in letting me grieve and leading me through the grieving process. I’m so blessed. But I will always miss my dad. Instead, ask your friend or loved one to talk about the person who died. Help them keep the memory alive.
4. “I know how you feel.”
You may have gone through a similar circumstance as someone else, but you never know how the person next to you feels. Everyone deals with grief differently. Grief is not a “one-size” fits all. It’s different for every person in the world. It’s easy to resort to this when we see someone dealing with the loss of a loved one, but we never truly know how the person next to us is feeling. Instead, give them the opportunity to talk about their feelings. Invite them out for coffee, go over to their house and help them with chores. Allow them to let out their feelings.
5. “Everything happens for a reason.”
Yes, there is a reason for everything, but sometimes that reason sucks. No one wants to hear this phrase when they’re dealing with the most catastrophic event that they will ever have happen. Nothing you can ever say will fix a grieving person. Death is inevitable, but no one is prepared for the wave of emotions that come from it. The biggest thing that a grieving person needs is validation. Instead, just say “This is awful. I am so sorry.”
That is my post all about what you should not say to a grieving person. What are some things that people said to you during your grieving process? Let me know in the comments below!